Insights & Information

Confessions of an overcomer

Photo of Dana Beeson and family

Dana (right) with husband, Chris, and daughters Emily and Courtney.

Dana Beeson taught Sunday School, clipped coupons, meticulously planned menus, balanced the checkbook, built Vacation Bible School sets with her husband, Chris, worked a full-time job, and somehow found time to even lead a Brownie troop.

She certainly looked like a good mom, wife and church member.

However, all that activity belied a fatal flaw and secret she tried to hide from everyone—a try-hard life and faith built on trying to earn God’s acceptance.

A holdover from her legalistic upbringing, trying to be “good” enough to merit God’s favor proved an exhausting dead end. That became fully apparent in the fall of 2012 when she and Chris had to give up the foster daughter they thought they had been called to adopt.

She began digging into her arms with a paperclip not long afterward in a downward spiral that progressed from thoughts of taking her own life to the act itself when a call from her daughter at Youth Summer Camp finally convinced her life wasn’t worth living anymore.

“I was thrilled to hear her voice,” Dana recalls. “However, she began to tell me the items we forgot to pack. Important items. I know I had failed her and wasn’t there to fix it. I wasn’t taking care of my babies who deserved so much better than what I could offer. At that moment I was done and knew it had to end.”

Crying, Dana headed straight to the bathroom, pulled a bottle of medicine out of the drawer, laid back on the bed, and began popping pills. Chris found her unresponsive, picked her up in his arms, and headed straight to the hospital. Revived by emergency doctors, she stayed there for a week but left just as emotionally scarred as before.

The cutting and suicidal thoughts continued. A friend’s suggestion to her and Chris that she enroll in a residential treatment program proved a Godsend. On Aug. 30, 2013, she flew to Timberline Knolls Residential Treatment Facility in Lemont, Ill. For the next 30 days, her treatment team chipped away at the mask of appearances and the mistaken characterization of God beneath as a harsh task masker just waiting for her to stumble.

Instead, she began to see God as the one who loved her even while she was a sinner so much that He sent His son to die in her place. “Every time I sinned, I knew I was a disappointment to Him and I had lost by salvation,” Dana says. “I had prayed the prayer of salvation more times than I could count. I finally realized that I was adopted into God’s family the day I was saved and that bond will never be broken.”

The turning point at Timberline Knolls came when Dana’s beloved grandmother died and Chris and team would not let her leave to attend the funeral and jeopardize her recovery. Livid, she was more than angry at them; she was angry with God. On the day of her service, the team allowed her to take a walk which led her to a small pond and a Job-like conversation with the maker and ruler of all.

“Her funeral was happening at that very moment,” Dana recalls. “I told God how angry I was at him and asked him why. I cried my heart out to him and repented for everything I had done to bring me to that point. I begged him to tell my grandma how sorry I was that I wasn’t there and how sorry I was for letting her down. Looking at the water, I asked God to make the water ripple if He really saw me and loved me.

“It could have been a coincidence but the wind that blew and rippled the water blew through my soul as well and brought a peace in me like none I’ve ever experienced by that pond. God met me there. He knew all the events that were going to take place and wasn’t surprised. He had me right where I was supposed to be at that moment and what I was supposed to be doing: falling in love with Him.”

Words to live by: ‘Chose life’

Flash forward to today, and Dana admits she’s still not 100 percent better but definitely on the mend—an overcomer who has used her trial to encourage others to choose life over death and turn to the Lord who alone can heal their brokenness. Let other people love on you, Dana tells them. Surface the feelings and thoughts that, if left unaddressed, could lead you to the dark place they led me, she adds.

“You have the choice about whether to give in to your thoughts or surrender to God,” Dana says. “Victories are achieved one choice at a time. The Bible says in Deuteronomy 30:19, ‘I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life.’ Cling to those two words: choose life. As hard as it is, tell someone. Don’t try travelling this dark road alone. Allow people to protect you, and don’t be ashamed to ask for help. Most importantly, start believing the truth and replace ungodly thoughts with godly thoughts so you won’t be robbed of your purpose and hope.

“After all, you are a child of the one true King.”

Changes on the home front

At home, Dana says the events of the past two years have brought closer ties and better communications.

“We are definitely more open about our feelings,” she says. “We don’t take each other for granted. Chris definitely says he realized exactly how much I do, and he can’t live without me. Our girls have noticed that I spend more time with the Lord and make it more of a priority. I do still read and reread index cards with verses on them.”

While every day is a battle, Dana says her family sees a reality she wished she’d been taught growing up.

“They still know I fight every day and I’m able to show them what an overcomer looks like,” she said. “We all know I’m not 100 percent better. Healing takes time, and it’s a process. I haven’t completely conquered this. But I am conquering it one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time! Best of all, I’m not alone!”

Note from Dana: “We had no idea how much love and support there was in Triad Baptist Church. Friends and acquaintances went to battle for us on their knees in their homes, while others encouraged us in different ways. People drove us to the airport they day I left and then stepped up while I was away to take care of my family by bringing in meals and taking my kids to different events. While I was at Timberline Knolls, I received 92 cards in the mail. Our church leaders visited me in the hospital and cared for Chris while I was in Illinois by praying, calling to check on him, and taking him to lunch—giving him the opportunity to talk and share the pain he was suffering too. I went into Timberline Knolls a mess, with absolutely no hope. Those cards and letters meant more to me than anyone would ever imagine. Thank you for allowing God to make Himself real to me and my family through you, his children. We just have to be open to allowing Him to work through us!”

Phase 2 Shot of TBC B&W 17

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